What Thanksgiving means to Dr. Sarcofiguy, Age 44

Ahhh, the holidays!  Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and the good Doctor is an incorrigible cheapskate!  I'm havin' guests over, and all the food I'm preparin' will cost under $10 dollars, I promise you! 

I AIN'T BUYIN' NO GODDAMNED TURKEY!!!!  No, sir!  Ain't cookin' no expensive bird for people I sorta like, and ain't EVEN seen regularly enough throughout the year!  So what am I havin'? 

CARL BUDDIG TURKEY slices!  Like a buncha astronauts with packets of dried foods, I'm flingin' out individual packages of the stuff to whomever can catch it.  Only costs 89 cents a pack! 

And I'm goin' down to the A&P (yes, I said the A&P) and gettin' some 8 O'clock coffee, not Chock Full O' Nuts like I did last year!  It got too good to the folks, and they drank it all!  That's MY heavenly coffee, not YOURS, dammit!  Then it's down to WALLY WORLD to get some Macaroni & Cheese. 

Not KRAFT!  Only the no name brand, it's less expensive.  It's all the same!  You're only paying for the name, not the quality, dammit!  I like when the box or can just says what it is, CORN for CORN.  GRAVY for GRAVY. 

Keeps it simple, I says!  There will be green bean casserole.  And hors d'oeuvres:  Potted meat (NO SPAM!  Too expensive!);

Vienna Sausages, which are consequently not made, or even ever heard about in Vienna!

Pork Brains, in milk gravy!  (I'm splurgin' a bit! Hee!)

And my favorite!

CHITLINS!  YUMZAHS!!!!  Hee.

Round the evening off with spiked purple Kool-Aid,

and some seasonal only pumpkin Tastykake pies. . . .

and I'm done!

HAPPY THANKSGIVIN', Y'ALL!!!!!!

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