DR. SARCOFIGUY'S CURRENT LIE: GET BONED IN THE SUMMER!!!!

Well, folks! I'm proud to make a stunning announcement! With Oprah Winfrey having OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network, I've been given the opportunity to have one of my own! YESSS!

It's called. . . .BONE!

Black Owned Network Entertainment!

Set ya your eyes on the line up!

Legendary actor DEMOND WILSON reprises his role as Lamont Sanford, PRIVATE EYE! Oh,I can't wait to see all the mysteries he'll solve on the mean streets of Paducah, Kentucky, y'all!

From the mad genius of Tyler Perry comes this charming situation comedy where an ex-mayor--and possibly ex-crackhead--falls head over heels for a glamourous, Oscar-winning starlet!

Can these two totally different people get along without driving each other crazy!?

Didja say, "TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL?!"

Well here's a brand new paranormal reality show featuring Dr. Phil and Pastor Joel Osteen! Watch them as they help folks to cope with angels with a predilection for "flying a little too close to the ground!"

Didja think I forgot about the kids?! $%#@ NO!!!!

Here's a game show hosted by Justin Bieber where kids ask the tough questions, like:

"What's the proper peanut butter to jelly ratio?!" Or, "Pop Tarts? Are they pops or tarts?!"

If he can't answer it, you win LOADS OF PRIZES!!!!!!!

And here's something for the WHOLE family!

From the producers of Glee comes this Super Soul Musical version of Mary Poppins
starring Queen Latifah as the nanny with the wiggle in her wand, and love in her heart in
SUPERSISTAHCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALA-DOSES!

Oh, don't pay any attention to this next show!

This was supposed to be a variety show featuring Cuba Gooding, Jr.! But I cancelled it, because I'm still mad at him for making that movie CHILL FACTOR with Skeet Ulrich! I was a very, very, very bad audience for THAT movie! So, I'm in negotiations with Dennis Haysbert! I don't know if he can SING, but he's got a certain dignity to 'em, don't you find?