DR. SARCOFIGUY'S CURRENT LIE: HEY, HEY, HEY!!!!: The Etymological Historification

It has been often wondered how the word “Hey!” has become such an important part of the human lexicon. It is more than just a homonym, my friends.

Farmers obviously used hay to feed their various and sundry equine animals. If these animals were lucky, they were sometimes treated to molasses mixed in with the hay as a sort of dessert. But to understand the origins of the word “Hey” you must look to the word “Haywire.”

To wit from FreeDictionary.com:

hay·wire

(h w r )

Wire used in baling hay.

adj. Informal

1. Mentally confused or erratic; crazy: went haywire over the interminable delays.

2. Not functioning properly; broken.

[From the use of baling wire for makeshift repairs .]

Word History: Why should the word for something as functional and mundane as haywire have come to be applied to something that is not functioning properly or to a person who is crazy? It would seem a story of semantics gone haywire. Haywire is a compound of the words hay and wire, originally simply denoting wire used to bale hay or straw. The term is first recorded as a noun in a debate in the Canadian House of Commons (1917), so it is a Canadianism or, since it appeared soon thereafter in a U.S. publication, a North Americanism. We find an earlier (1905) attributive use in the phrase hay wire outfit, a term used contemptuously for poorly equipped loggers. What lies behind this term is the practice of making repairs with haywire. Haywire is found in other contexts with the general sense "makeshift, inefficient," from which come the extended senses "not functioning properly" and "crazy."

There are further attributions to creator Fernando De La Jorge’, nicknamed “Hey,” for his wire re-enforced hemp rope that was used by farmers to bind their hay. It was known that “Hey” often smoked his wire/rope composition recreationally. It was an act commonly referred to as going “Haywire” because of its astounding hallucinogenic effects, and terrible metal aftertaste.

Musician Jimi Hendrix would often go “Haywire,” where he would achieve a heightened level of cosmic perception and awareness. On one such occasion Hendrix actually telepathically communed with a universal consciousness in the form of a vast nebula of sentient purple energy he came to know as The Purple Haze. This being imbued him with awesome musical abilities, as well as channeled its “voice” through him.

During one of Hendrix’s psychedelic drug experimentations, this Purple Haze was caught up in the recoiling effects of a psychic backlash, and the being “tripped” itself from out of the universal mainframe, and incarnated into a human corporeal form. The Purple Haze, still suffering from the lingering effects of the drug episode, experienced trailing visual echoes of itself, after images that ultimately splintered into three distinct beings: Helen Hayes, Billie Hayes and Issac Hayes, the Holy Haze Triumvirate!

Many are the miracles bestowed upon mankind through the Haze/Hayes Triumvirate! If properly evoked, the tripled headed “Deus Androgyne Purepel “ would appear unleashing its purple well-spring to overflowing!

Here is Hendrix sacrificing his guitar to the Purple Godhead!

Hence we come to the term, “Hey!” It is a form of honoring the mystical being thrice-wise cleaved! To say just, “Hey,” however, as in the term, “Say HEY, Willie Mays,” has always been considered a heretical faux pas in the mystical community.

People like Bill Cosby who understood the power of the proper invocation to the blessed Purple Haze, made level sure to effectively provide his character Fat Albert with the proper verse as duly prescribed by the great, secret metaphysicians of the world. The term, “Hey, Hey, Hey! It’s Fat Albert!”

Notice how the three Hayes are properly evoked at the start of the prayer, whereby he or she who has uttered the prayer and petition are thus indicated at the end of the prayer!

Heywood Nelson (Haywood: n. Entymology - He who is likely to go, "Hey, Hey, Hey!" The receptor of the divine blessings!) on the television show What’s Happening, often entered into the room with a hearty, “Hey, Hey, Hey!” Notice how the fictional character’s name was omitted. This was a decision judiciously made. If his name were to be placed at the end of the statement, it would truly alert the Hayes, and they would immediately confer and bestow their cosmic gifts upon the petitioner regardless!

Musician/acolyte John Lennon once harnessed the emotional, and psychic power of the The Haze, or the “Viola Trioditus Caliga” as it was then known, by releasing his album Double Fantasy. A title that was rife with hidden symbolism. The album was originally to be titled Triple Fantasy, but it was opted against because of his belief that life was a fantasy, death was a fantasy, but being one with the eternal cosmos was indeed NOT a fantasy.

Purple atheist Paul McCartney, with artist/co-conspirator Michael Jackson, recorded the dismal, yet danceable duet Say, Say, Say! as a drubbing of The Haze Entity. Singer/Songwriter Lionel Ritchie, as ever the epitome of “being in the ice cream and not even knowing the flavor,” recorded the derivative little ditty Say You, Say Me, as way of bringing Haze harmony to the masses, but with lackluster results.

Say, You, Say Me was, of course, taken from the abysmal, ill-conceived album, “Dancing on the Ceiling.”

But here we have the current emissary of the works and voice of the cosmic Haze as poured forth from the creative talents of one Prince Rogers Nelson! When Prince sang of a Purple Rain, his actual thinking was the “reigning” of the “purple” where it’s power would beneficently preside over all! And the song Raspberry Beret? It wasn’t just about a hat, but the color fluctuation of the Haze as it reverses the polarities of the red aura of the heart chakra with the crown chakra at the top of the head. When the red mixes with the divine violet energies, indeed it is quite a pleasant raspberry tone!

So to have this beneficial, eldritch power work in your life, don’t just say, “Hey!” Say, “Hey, hey, hey!