Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Johny Weissmuller's Nipples

Dr. Sarcofiguy has always been a fan of Edgar Rice Burrough's characters.  John Carter:  Warlord of Mars, and especially Tarzan.  However, the good Doctor was such an irritatingly observant young man, and he often fixated on things that distracted him from being entertained by it all.

Fer instance:

Johnny Weissmuller as Tarzan.  He was cool.  It's just that his nipples always seemed to followin' me everywhere, like two close set eyes peerin' into my SOUL!  YEESSSHHH!

See what I'm sayin'?! 

And that Mike Henry guy?  He could've engaged in a bit more method actin' by lettin' a few monkey's groom him with all that HAIR he had on 'em!

Miles O' Keefe from Bo Derek's TARZAN The Ape Man always had that Malibu Ken look about 'em!  But he played dumb well.

Buster Crabbe of Flash Gordon fame played dumb pretty well too! 

Whereas Ron Ely's Tarzan was too damned SMART!

Gordon Scott always looked like he suckin' in his gut waaaay too much!  Reminded me of a birdcage where possibly nesting parrots would find themselves at night, yeesssss!

And what the hell were they thinkin' tryin' ta give Tarzan the WB, Dawson Creek makeover, huh!?

My favorite Tarzan was, of course, Christopher Lambert of Greystoke!  He did the best impersonation of a bird I ever did hear in that one!  And he was wonderfully primative!  Like soap and water would kill'em! 

And, of course, my second favorite Tarzan?  DISNEY'S TARZAN!!!!  Yippeee!!!!!!

And here's my favorite candidate for the next Tarzan.  The Tarzan for the everyman:

Don't forget to run out and get THERE ARE NO BAD MOVIES (ONLY BAD AUDIENCES)!!!!!

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